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Published On: Sun, Feb 25th, 2018

A visitor’s guide to St. Maarten; locals may want to read this too

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Dear Visitor,

It’s that time of the year again and I must say boy, is it interesting! They have become more creative but if you have a good collection of their words you will find out that they all basically say the same thing but through different microphones. Some political rallies sound like a screaming contest. Gosh! My ears still hurt from last night.

Those who believe in the power of redundancy ensure that these same people or their younger version are elected every year either for sex, job, land, promotions, association purposes, family ties or for a few dollars. That doesn’t mean that there are no legitimate voters, you have to first of all, find and then count them. They should be about a handful.

When you decide to visit our beautiful paradise realize that to survive, there are rules that you must adhere to. Trust me, you will thank me later. If you don’t adhere to these rules, you might be on your way to the steep hill side in no time. My car is in such a terrible mess that going up that hill could be catastrophic.

Please take into consideration that we just had a hurricane and things are very slow especially in relation to obtaining documents from government offices but elections are always on a speed dial! Everything is possible at that time! The best time to visit is during elections and please come with a camera because that’s the only time you will see or hear from our politicians.

When you have decided to visit our very friendly Island, do take note of the following:

  1. Remember to take a ferry from the port to town after your arrival because the roads aren’t friendly.
  2. If you are a lover of fast food, be informed that Mac has gone to visit Donald and he won’t be returning any time soon. Do eat in your galley before boarding the ferry.
  3. Be informed that most stores on Front Street were attracted to the hood after the hurricane and they got their “Robin”. Most of them are still recovering from the hood hugs. Do not expect to be impressed.
  4. If you decide to shop at the supermarket, please stay away from those that care for the four only. Visit the one that the Minister of health has approved genetically.
  5. Do not voice your negative opinion about the government publicly, you will be fired!
  6. The chicken and johnny cake on the Island are the best around carnival season but their taste may differ when the “dump fire” starts.
  7. Remember that health is wealth! Have your safety gear including your mask ready for when you visit the government building especially when there is a “burn fire” at the dump.
  8. If you need any land all hope is lost because Robin only gives to the hood and you don’t stand a chance neither do I, even as a local. It is meant for those “special loyal locals.”
  9. If you plan to apply for a business license, well I wish you all the best. You might have to pray about that and I will pray with you also, if we are lucky, you may get it after about a year. Remember it’s a slow season, it may require more time.
  10. Expect the rude attitude from some government staff because they are under a lot of pressure from seemingly inconsiderate locals.
  11. Do not attend election rallies unless you are hungry. The grey guys would give you free food and drinks. They won’t force their mission statement down your throat. At least they will allow you to eat in peace.
  12. Don’t forget to visit Colombia in case you have a headache, it’s faster than visiting our Medical Center. They may be out of a bed by the time your headache starts. Oh I forgot, the contract has been awarded and our “able and capable” is once again in charge of it.
  13. If you get picked up by immigration due to over stay, relax and chill out in jail, they will release you in about a few weeks and you will be free again.
  14. Do not attempt to pay your bills, your will regret it due to endless queues.
  15. Above all, relax and thank God for life because another hurricane season would be here soon but that doesn’t matter because as usual the government has a very good plan and God is in control. As if he was out of control when Irma hit.

By a Concerned Citizen