Banana Bay Beach
By Cdr. Bud Slabbaert
The hyperglossy travel life-style magazine “Exotic Escapades” announced that the beach of St.Tosia’s Banana Bay has been selected as one of world’s top ten best beaches. This “gem of the island” as the magazine calls it, extends for a mile stretch of luscious, soft and white coral sand and is framed by lush, green hills with softly swaying palm trees rising up behind the beach and capping off the splendid setting. Reefs protect the beach, making it ideal for swimming. It is called Banana Bay because it has the shape of a Banana and for that reason alone, one could not have called it Pineapple Bay. The beach is officially protected as a Marine Wildlife Reserve but, it is also an unofficially sanctioned public nude beach where nudity is tolerated by turning a blind eye, and by not enforcing the laws. Some people say that they are going to the Banana Bay Wildlife Reserve to not convey that they are actually going to the nude beach. Either way, they are obviously nature lovers. Still, they are worried that the very mention of the two words Nude Beach can arouse feelings of titillation, embarrassment, outrage or even a combination of the three.
On St.Tosia the general attitude is not to waste words on negative thoughts. Besides, how can one enforce illegal nudity when textile-averse sun worshippers go full monty anyway and let it all hang out to get a perfect even suntan while eliminating tan lines? It is hard for a policeman to ask a nude person for an identity. You couldn’t even ask them what time it is. Their credentials are obviously visible but are of no use in a report by a law enforcement officer. Fining persons who don’t have a wallet on them to pay? Issuing a ticket when they don’t have a pocket to put it in? Arresting and have them only wearing handcuffs? St.Tosia is an island of common sense, joy, and beauty, and a touch of its free-love spirit is maintained. All people came into this world wearing only birthday suits. Although, some people on the beach forget that time has taken its toll, which on its turn offers them a form of protection on the beach.
Actually St.Tosian law enforcement officers Senior Sergeant Alvaro and Constable Fushkin do stop by quite frequently, in full uniform of course, and then mainly to see that all is hush and orderly, to enjoy a bit of the terrific panoramic scenery this location of the island has to offer, the view of its crystal-clear waters and breathing the fragrant sea air. And who doesn’t enjoy watching happy people play volleyball or throwing Frisbees? They always check with lifeguard Magnus Lilkvistson if there is anything that requires their attention. There is usually a whispered exchange of information and Magnus indicates with his eyes in which direction to look since finger pointing is not a polite gesture. However nothing is suitable to be mentioned in a police report and so, they get back in their SUV-brimmer to do some patrolling on the unamusing pot-holed roads of the island.
The blonde blue-eyed Magnus Lilkvistson is the Central Casting version of a manly lifeguard fit for a role in the Baywatch TV series. He grew up in Örköping, Sweden riding horses and he thus spent his time in Jodhpur riding pants and boots and amidst the smell of horse stables. About three years ago he came on vacation to St. Tosia and visited Banana Bay. He only went back to Sweden to get any and all certifications necessary to become a rescue swimmer and then returned to St. Tosia as fast he possibly could. He is now the most qualified lifeguard you can imagine who shows off his enviable shape in bright fluorescent orange swim trunks which are functional enough to withstand any rugged and strenuous water activity; his full shot image works well against a backdrop of both blue skies or turquoise waters. It is generally assumed that the luckiest lifeguards are on duty on nude beaches. Magnus is always accompanied by his ebony St. Tosian girlfriend Arana whose hourglass skeletal structured body is not only accentuated by the fluorescent orange bikini she wears, but also her finger and toe nails have the same bright flaming color. She may not be a certified rescue swimmer like Magnus, she may not be even certified for anything at all, but she would be an adorable surface marker buoy in waters of the bay. Sharks beware, and not just sharks; Arana has nitroglycerine in her veins and lets no one get near Magnus.
There is a blissful beach bar in Banana Bay called “Yum-on-the Rum”, a ramshackle of a place that looks a bit like the site of a shipwrecked pirate ship loosely adorned with ocean remnants like pieces of driftwood and shells. It is nestled in the palms on a pristine narrow piece of the beach at far most West end of the bay. Some call it the prude oasis at the nude beach where visitors do have their private parts generously covered. This most chilled-out place you can imagine is owned by the heavyset Hurricane Lulu and her lean partner Jambo Jacco. Fans of neo-cocktail culture experience love the exhaustive menu of awesome exotic rum concoctions that are mixed and stirred or shaken with passion.
With the effects of today’s brutal economy, more people than ever are worn out mentally and physically and are looking for an escape. The “Yum-on-the-Rum” is the right place for temporary life reassessments and Hurricane Lulu is the right person to talk to. She is a lively very opinionated person filled with laughter, love and affection who will be offering free advice on philosophy, politics and astrology from behind bar. Celebrities who are visiting St. Tosia, make it a point to come to the beach-bar of Banana Bay to have their astrological portrait read by Hurricane Lulu. Whether you are a believer or a skeptic, she’s lots of fun to listen to while slowly savoring a delicious wickedly mixture of fruit juice, spice and booze. The Hurricane Lulu Consulting Experience is something the rich and famous are seeking all through their career. On several occasions Lulu’s wisdom was quoted in the “InStyle Starteller” magazine.
Jambo Jacco is a well-known and highly appreciated musician and with his group the Reggae Rousers, he performs at events ranging from backyard parties to the mega yacht bashes. When the sun goes down at Banana Beach, one of the Caribbean’s best sunsets, it is time for some live Reggae at the Yum-on-the-Rum, and Jambo Jacco and some of his friends start playing and singing. When Jacco Jambo sings the well known reggae song “No woman, no cry” everyone, and especially vacationers trying to find what is ailing at home loudly join in the refrain singing “Ev’rything’s gonna be all right” which is, as you probably know repeated eight times in the refrain. Itd has a very stimulating effect on mood when enhanced by the influence of the spirits in their exotic cocktails.
Bluish-grey smoke and the tempting aroma of grilled lobster, sizzling marlin steak, and tuna kebab on the makeshift barbecue fill the air. Most of the tantalizing dishes are served with a flame-igniting ritual which the server performs upon delivering the dish to the table. It adds to the exhilarating experience at the “Yum-on-the-Rum” beach bar.
